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    It’s a boy. A huge thunderstorm broke the silence and emotions flowed like a river. Flood of happiness swapped every fatigued corner and there he was in the arms of his mother as if it was the whole world. He was crying in the most mellifluous melody sweet to ear as if it was the best tune to his composer. His eyes tell a lot of stories like he had learned the verses adeptly, they shine like a hue in the dark pitch. Third son born in the family of Dhaarna Dev, a rich landowner in the whole village. There was nothing he can’t afford to his family, he owned two farms on which he largely earned his living by his business. His third son was all he desired, who has been born now after two earlier miscarriages of his wife. He named him ‘Chaahat’, the desire. 
    With the terrible sound of the alarm, she woke up. She had this dream again. Every night she sees it, the dream she sleeps for, and that always pushes her to the extent of the wishes where she could just change that day. Maybe then she would have had different experiences with the world. But now, she is caught between her desires and her identity. 
    ‘Mehar leave the bed, and get out for the day’, angrily shouting Noor. Noor is the owner of the house where Mehar lives, the owner of every girl living here. A two-story house in the busy, dirty streets where no hope reaches but pleasure hunt reaches every night and day. 
    Unenthusiastically, exhaustible Mehar leaves the bed. She remembers the day she first met Noor. She was thirteen, disowned by her family as if she was a burden, she couldn’t live with them under the same roof with love. Her father loved her so much as the only thing in the whole universe, there was nothing she couldn’t ask for, she was brilliant, studious, wanted to go out for studies, but her tragic experiences shut the doors of all desires that were associated with shame later on. 
    Noor asked him his name many times, but he refused to answer every question. His hands were thin cracked skin, his lips gone blue, he was shivering in a shirt and thick pants. Hunger made him impatient and stubborn. Those large eyes had grown weaker and red with sleepless nights around the streets.  
    Mehar is busy in decorating the room. Her clients will be here anytime. Five years back she had her first horrible experience, his name she still remembers, a renowned owner of a franchise of furniture showrooms. ‘Very rich’, ‘rich’ she repeated, more than double of her age at that time.
    ‘Mehar? Mehar? Interrupted by Jyoti. Two years older than Mehar, she has been here for more than seven years now. A beautiful face with a goddess-like appearance, charming, eyes like her name. She was an orphan lived with her relatives till she was fourteen, she had witnessed every violence, her cousins friend was responsible for tearing her every dream she had written once in the paper of her soul. Her life was hell, she decided to take justice in her hands and broke every malefic glass of relation she was bound to. She entered the door of this world when she was neglected by the world outside in order to save herself. 
    ‘He is getting married’, said Jyoti. 
    The world was still yet in its place, maybe she was ready for this news. 
    ‘I will always want him happy’, replied Mehar with satisfaction. 
    ‘That’s not the point, the point is, he is getting married and you love him, when you both love each other, does he? Does he love you?’ asked Jyoti perplexingly. 
    ‘I don’t know, I never asked him, I never wanted him to accept that there is a tiny puzzle we have for each other that he has to solve. The world has so less to give space to our love, a love that is full of regrets. It is patient but rude, this world will be jealous of our selfishness, there is no acceptance for what is against the universe. It’s not natural, I’m against nature.’ 
    She knows that the sun rises with an ill omen that she carries with her till night. She doesn’t wait anymore for the day to pass, seven years of abandonment made her ignorant of what she once wanted. The complicated days of her life when she was abused, neglected by her own family, she was forced to admit that she deserved it all. Discomfort, torment, pain, fierceness, wildness that she was offered by those she wanted to be with made her resolute to the fact that this was the truth and she has to accept it.  The dust devil that came with the feelings that she started loving boy destroyed her with extreme shame showered by her loved ones. She didn’t know anything except that she was trapped in a wrong residence. 
    She abandons her soul, offers her body every day to the greedy hunters, few claim to be the officials few the thirsty one, and then at the end she writes the name of every devil behind a wall. Now it’s time to add one more to the list.
    That one name, she sees every day, she highlighted once she felt it admiring. The day she fell in love again. After so many years she felt alive. The world she hated brought her something worth living. But she knew this life has no exemption. The love she is asking for comes with conventions, she should close all the doors. 
    Mehar? Mehar? Where are you? What were you thinking?
    ‘I get to go’. Replied Mehar in hurry. 
    She has to finish her daily assigned work, attend all her clients and then get ready for the evening event. It feels like hell here. 

    She is in search of a decent job, she applied many times but every time she felt hated and more miserable. She doesn’t want to be a beggar, a prostitute, she wants to be loved, she wants to collect every flower of a dream from the garden of love and fill her box of desires with the grey gold. She was deserted, harassed, shunned by her family, once a “Chaahat” is no more a Chaahat, she can’t go back to her family, she can’t ask for that love her father once gave to his youngest son, whom he desired more than anything until he was declared an anti-social element by those who his family cared more than their own son. But she still hopes for a better life, she doesn’t want to stop. Her gender is not her identity, she is not just a word, once a desire is now the universe, Mehar is the universe. She will find the love she deserves but she has to sleep now for the dream she sees.

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